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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497765">Casualties</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/horsepowerandlover/pseuds/horsepowerandlover'>horsepowerandlover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Trepidation [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Crying, F/F, Hallucinations, Hamilton References, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sorry Not Sorry, don't get used to it, formatting on here is hell, holy crap more than two characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:27:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/horsepowerandlover/pseuds/horsepowerandlover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A new war on earth has begun<br/>No one is happy</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amethyst/Pearl (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Trepidation [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Casualties</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The only thing that could be heard was a single, excruciatingly long scream, an empty, sorrowful sound. She sat there and cried for what felt like hours, and no one came to her aid; she was alone. That knowledge, however, was the least of Pearl’s sorrows because in her hands were the shards of her lover.<br/>
Amethyst.<br/>
She was gone, never to come back; not even the most powerful gem in the entire galaxy could reverse the damage done. No one would ever see her sweet face again, no one would ever hear her sweet words or her loveable giggle, and no one would ever matter as much to Pearl as Amethyst did. Earth was once again a battlefield. A deathtrap. Pearl had known at the beginning that they wouldn’t win; they were easily outnumbered, even after months of fighting.<br/>
She knew that they would lose, but she never expected this. No matter how much she didn’t want to accept it, it was true; the evidence was right in front of her. Hundreds of tiny violet shards filled in the battle-worn crevices of Pearl’s hands, shards that were thousands of years old, but so young at the same time... Memories flooded Pearl’s mind, memories of the first day they met, the first time they fused, and, the most painful, their first kiss. The first time they kissed it was gentle, long, and passionate; each gem silently rejoiced at the knowledge that the other loved them back with the same amount of force.<br/>
That was only three years ago. Three years out of the thousands they had loved each other. Thousands of more years they could have spent together. Thousands of more memories that could have been created.<br/>
“...Pearl.” She slowly looked up at the familiar voice, it was Garnet, “Pearl... may I see?” She questioned, not looking forward to what Pearl was going to show her, but she needed confirmation. Was her friend truly gone?<br/>
Pearl hesitated but soon unfurled her hands. Garnet couldn’t help the tears that streaked down her face at the sight. So many memories were blending together into a storm of emotions, but she didn’t unfuse. She had to stay strong for Pearl.<br/>
“Garnet... did you know?” Pearl asked in a hoarse whisper. Garnet took a sharp breath.<br/>
“No... I-I didn’t even see this as a possibility.” She paused, collecting herself as best she could.<br/>
“I’m so sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>“Pearl, I need you to know something else...”<br/>
Pearl nodded but didn’t speak, so Garnet continued.<br/>
“Lapis was... shattered as well.”<br/>
At this point, Pearl wasn’t surprised at anything Garnet told her. She had always said that all of them would die eventually, but every piece of bad news still shook Pearl to the core.<br/>
“You can imagine how distraught Peridot is. She, uh, tried to shatter herself.”<br/>
Pearl just sat there. The world had seemed to stop spinning; this wasn’t happening. How many others were gone? Could she have stopped it?<br/>
No.<br/>
She was not going to let grief consume her, not now.<br/>
She had to be strong, at least for a little while.<br/>
“...Garnet?”<br/>
“Hmm?”<br/>
“Let’s go,” Pearl said, bubbling and picking up Amethyst’s shards in one hand while carrying her spear in the other.<br/>
“Are you sure?” Garnet asked, this was a huge blow. She understood if Pearl needed more time with her thoughts.<br/>
“Yes, I don’t want to be here right now... or ever again for that matter,” Pearl said, grimacing.<br/>
“Okay,” Garnet started, “the temple should be fine to warp to. No one is there now.”<br/>
They began the short walk to the warp pad.</p><p> </p><p>They arrived at the temple to an eerie silence, only interrupted by the occasional sob coming from the bathroom. Pearl looked at the bathroom door and then at Garnet for an explanation.<br/>
“Peridot,” she stated simply.<br/>
“Of course...” Pearl replied.<br/>
Pearl felt remorse for the green gem in the bathroom, as she too had been in her position. Although her first lover wasn’t quite... shattered.<br/>
“You should go talk to her,” Garnet said, “She needs to know she isn’t alone.”<br/>
Garnet was right, they couldn’t lose anyone else. Pearl nodded and walked towards the bathroom door. She was about to knock when Garnet interrupted.<br/>
“It’s not locked, just go in.”<br/>
Pearl looked at Garnet for a second as if to ask why, but soon looked away and began slowly turning the knob. She opened the door steadily, so as not to scare the smaller gem.<br/>
When Pearl finally laid eyes on Peridot, the sight almost had her crying once more. Peridot was sitting hunched over in the bathtub, shakily spilling tears onto the deep blue shards cupped in her hands.<br/>
“Peridot?” Pearl questioned; she was met with a sideways glare from the still-crying gem.<br/>
“Go away,” Peridot said in a hoarse whisper, “p-please go away...” She moved her gaze back to the fragments in front of her.<br/>
This made Pearl’s heart ache even more, if that was even possible at this point.<br/>
“I just wanted to tell you something Peridot,” Pearl said looking at the floor, “Don’t dwell on this, you’ll only hurt yourself.” Peridot looked at Pearl, still glaring.<br/>
“What do you know? Rose wasn’t shattered, and I’m pretty sure Amethyst is outside as we speak,” Peridot replied snarkily.<br/>
Peridot’s statement was like a stab to the chest, but Pearl forced herself to remain collected. She cleared her throat.<br/>
“A- umm, actually, Amethyst is... right here,” Pearl said, bringing the light blue bubble where Peridot could see it.<br/>
“No way!” Peridot sat, mouth agape, “Pearl... I-I apologize for my previous statement. I wasn’t thinking. That’s-” Peridot was at a loss for words, her eye’s never left the bubble encasing her purple friend.<br/>
“It’s crazy, I know,” Pearl said with a weak chuckle and new tears, “Not even Garnet saw this coming.” Peridot frowned and looked down at her hands once more. Pearl noticed this and continued, “She didn’t know about Lapis either, I’m sorry.” Peridot took a deep breath.<br/>
“It’s... it’s ok. There was nothing that could have been done, and there is nothing we can do now.” She paused, “but If I could spare her life, if I could trade her life for mine, she'd be standing here right now.” she added quietly, sobs once again wracking her small body.<br/>
Any other day Pearl would’ve laughed at the reference to Peridot and Lapis’s favorite musical, but now it just made her feel ten times worse.<br/>
“Would you like me to stay in here with you?” Pearl said, trying to make Peridot feel better. Peridot nodded. “Okay,” Pearl finished, sitting on the floor bringing the bubble into her lap. After a few minutes, Peridot broke the silence.<br/>
“...Where was she?”<br/>
“What?”<br/>
“Where did you find Amethyst?”<br/>
“Oh, we were at the Sky Spire. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best place for a fight,” Pearl said, grief present in her tone of voice.<br/>
“...what about Lapis?” Pearl eventually asked, not wanting all the attention to be on herself.<br/>
“The fountain,” Peridot said definitely as if she had been rehearsing it in her head, “I couldn’t get her to the water fast enough...” Tears began streaming down her face faster than before. As if your love getting shattered wasn’t enough, now Peridot felt like it was her fault. Pearl had to fix that.<br/>
“It’s not your fault, Peridot. It was... inevitable, please don’t blame yourself,” Pearl paused, searching for something more, “I know what you’re thinking, and no, Lapis does not hate you... In all honesty, she never did.” Pearl seemed to know exactly what the green gem needed to hear, as she was soon encased in a hug.<br/>
“Thank you, that... helped a great deal,” Peridot almost smiled, “Are you going to be ok?” She asked, moving back to her position in the bathtub. Pearl stood.<br/>
“No, not yet at least. Thank you for your concern though. Will you be ok in here by yourself?”<br/>
“In the meantime, yes,” Peridot said, giving a smile of appreciation.<br/>
“Garnet should come in later, but please let us know if you need anything.” Peridot nodded.<br/>
“Thank you. You can come in here whenever you want as well- if you just want to talk sometime.” Pearl smiled, thanked Peridot, and made her exit.<br/>
Pearl hadn’t gotten very far when she was stopped by none other than Garnet, who was sitting in the living room.<br/>
“You really helped her. Good job.” Garnet’s small words filled Pearl with pride, but that feeling soon dissipated when she remembered the current circumstances. She wanted to go and be alone, but she had one question before she left. Garnet answered even before Pearl had the chance to ask the burning question.<br/>
“No,” was her curt statement.<br/>
“Hmm?”<br/>
“You were going to ask if it ever gets better. The answer is no. We just have to keep going. The best we can do is be there for each other.” As usual, Garnet’s words were right on point. Pearl had no idea how to reply, so she nodded once more and entered her room. </p><p>          The door closed as soon as Pearl entered. She took no more than one step before collapsing with a sob.<br/>
“I love you. Please don’t leave me here. I can’t do this.” Pearl cried. She cried until she had no tears left to cry; she cried until her throat burned. She didn’t stop. This wasn’t just about another casualty. This was the gem who had been there for her for years, the gem she loved.<br/>
“Pearl,” She jumped, surprised at the sudden call of her name.<br/>
“Hello...? Garnet? Peridot?” She called, standing up slowly. looking around for the source of the voice.<br/>
“Pearl, over here.” Pearl spun around to look behind her.<br/>
“A-Amethyst?” Pearl said squinting at the faded figure standing on the other side of the room.<br/>
“Hi...” the figure said. Pearl stood straight as a rail, her eyes wide.<br/>
“Are you... a ghost?” She said inching closer to the person before her.<br/>
“Something like that,” it said, turning to look at its body, “heh, freaky.”<br/>
Pearl frowned. This wasn’t the real Amethyst.<br/>
“You’re... not real, I-I’m hallucinating.” Pearl averted her gaze away from the Amethyst look-alike. She had learned years ago that people sometimes see hallucinations when they are grieving, though Pearl had never experienced it for herself. The imposter bowed its head.<br/>
“You’re right, I’m not real. I’m sorry.” It started to fade away as Pearl came back to the crushing reality.<br/>
She looked at the teal bubble,<br/>
“I’m sorry too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated!<br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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